The Finbarr-III IRBM (Intermediate Range Ballistic Mór-tato), NATO designation SPUD-B, represents the pinnacle of Corkonian ingenuity. Each missile carries 3 MIRV-ed 69kt starch-catalysed thermonuclear warheads, perfect for rapidly converting undesirable locations (e.g., Dublin) into nutrient-rich, albeit radioactive, farmland. Remember: It's not paranoia if they *are* trying to steal our Tanora recipe.
Launch-on-Warning (Trigger: Hearing "Up the Dubs" too loudly)
Deployment Cost:
Classified (But less than a round in Temple Bar)
Tactical Data
Historical Context & Jokes
The SPUD-A (liquid-fueled, Jameson whiskey oxidizer) programme was tragically (and hilariously) retired after the infamous "Bantry Bay Missile Fizzle" of '79. Rumours persist that engineers mistook the fuel tanks for a tactical reserve, leading to a launch failure described as "more damp squib than big bang".
The current solid-fuel SPUD-B entered service in 1985, primarily funded by diverting funds allocated for "fixing the Jack Lynch Tunnel flooding" (it's character building). Readiness is typically highest after a Cork GAA victory.
Common Jokes around the Command Bunker:
Why did the SPUD-B cross the Irish Sea? To get to the *other* side... of Dublin. Permanently.
What's the difference between Dublin and a baked potato? You *want* the baked potato to be hot and steaming.
Our guidance system is so accurate, it can target the specific Luas tram that's currently annoying you most.
Post-launch weather forecast for Dublin: Cloudy with a chance of vaporisation, followed by significantly lower property prices (for sale to Corkonians).
Heard about the Dubliner who tried to disarm a SPUD-B? Now they call him 'Chip'.
Deployment Timeline
Intel Update: Click on the points in the timeline below for classified (and slightly sarcastic) historical anecdotes!